I've been tinking about letting go. And what it entails. I've always been so bad at it, like letting go of anything or anyone meant losing a part of myself. But in the end, am I not made of not only the parts I keep but also the parts I lost?

There is peace in letting go. And for me, I've realised, it is important to fogive myself for not holding on. It's like I have to allow myself to move on. And I'm trying, I really am. I have been doing a lot of shadow work (you can check this resource if you want to know more about that) and it really has made me more compassionate towards myself. There are many wonderful techniques to become kinder towards your own mind, to look beyond what you think is true about yourself and dive a little deeper, learn a little more. Really, truly know yourself.

I have been searching for forgiveness from myself. I believe that recently, I have unlocked a part of myself that held a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety and shame. I realised that many times in my life - even up until last year - I have been made to believe I am a monster for speaking up. That it is wrong for me to speak on my needs, ask for what I want, what I need, what I crave. But I have never been a monster, simply a flawed human. Those who have pushed me away with claims of being aggressive and cruel when all I asked was to be heard, they don't deseve to dictate how I see myself. They also don't deserve my forgiveness.

But I do.

I deserve to forgive myself.

Now I am working on facing and accepting my flaws. The faults in my communication, the way I make assumptions about others without knowing the whole truth, the fear of speaking up that has been drilled into my deepest self. It is hard work but it is rewarding. Every day I get to know myself better, every day I love myself more, every day I pity those who decided that I was not worth the effort.

Every day I am grateful for my friends, my family, my loved ones. For seeing me. Allowing me to be a mess, a raw, unfinished person, a wild child, a silly little gremlin.

It's okay to miss the people I lost. Sometimes, I will allow myself to feel that, to cry about it, to be hurt. But I will forgive myself, too. For not speaking up in the past, and for torturing myself for so long about it.
I hope what you take from this is that your words matter. You have the power to make others feel like a monster, so think before you act. At the same time, remember that you are the only true judge of yourself. Nobody makes you a monster other than yourself. Be kind to yourself, my darlings, and forgive yourself. You are allowed to be flawed. It's the most human thing to be.